I enjoy pears – D’anjou?

…I am accustomed to waiting for laughs.

Maybe if you read it out loud?

In any case, a few words about originality (which is semi-appropriate, semi-ironic, given the title of the post, followed by stealing the first line from another source (quoting!  I mean quoting!  Not stealing!)).

I just added to my originality quotient!

Hmmm.  I need to lay claim to this valuable internet territory.  “What percent of what we say is original?”  Well, according to my research (research done by the firm of Gut Instinct, Inc), no more than one percent of what the average person says or does is truly original to him or her.

The other day on a run, a colleague asked the group “Do bears eat women?”  I was certain that this question had never been asked before, in the history of mankind.  But, upon returning to my desk and employing the help of my other research firm (Google, Inc), I found that once, in a forum post to a guns and ammo website, a man had put those very words in that exact order.  He also had an awesome avatar.

No part of this image isn't awesome.

Yes, his (self-chosen!) name was “Brother Bob”.  Yes, his forum title was “Firearm Zealot.”  Yes, that’s a crosshairs there.  No, I don’t know why?  Maybe we’re supposed to aim to be like him?  Also, of course, the eagle, sunburst AND flag.  These colors don’t run, but they do get the hell out of the way of an exploding eagle.

In any case, on another run, we were discussing pears, and punning on pears.  Of course we started with “pair of pears”.  That’s not very original, by the way.  Over half a million results for that phrase.

Several more “jokes” that would be at home on Laffy Taffy wrappers or popsicle sticks followed, then I dropped the line that titles this post.

It was met with the appropriate response to a pun, which is silence, tinged with annoyance and jealousy, leavened by a begrudging single slightly-louder-than-normal exhalation through the nose.  “Hrmph.”

Upon return to my desk, I googled the phrase, and what did I find?


I don’t believe that no one has ever said this phrase.  Perhaps… perhaps this is my legacy to mankind?  Perhaps this shall adorn my gravestone?  Perhaps the clouds parted that day, a single ray of inspiration struck me, and I uttered the perfect pear pun, the one pear pun that will inspire future generations.

I wouldn’t Bartlett on it.

…I am accustomed to waiting for laughs.


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